my first sentence
"was a boy named john playing his game and his mum gets home "
my second sentence was
"It was a dull day a boy name john got home from school
straight away he got on his video game bang bang "
i think my updated sentence is more exciting then my old sentence
leave some advice in the comments for next time
Those few words you have added Maddock,certainly improved the sentence.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it great that even just a couple of words can make a sentence go from boring to 'WOW".
Just remember that people's names need a capital as they are an important part of the story.
Hello Maddock, I like how you have got a improved sentence. I think it is pretty good. Is it your class and you who are learning to write an interesting first sentence to hook your guys reader or you? Next time you could put capital letters for names. -Angel
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