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Thursday, 27 August 2020

show don't tell writing

kia ora  bloggers i'm going to show you my writing and my photo that i made we have been learning about show don't tell witch means  show your feelings not tell this is my writing leave a comment what you think



I  was scattering around the moon trying not to get catched by the aliens and
to top it off  the no gravity i decided to jump in one of the holes the I seen in
front of me I took a big leap and landed in the hole the aliens  ran straight
past me I climbed up and got out of the hole and was trying to figure out
how I got here  and then I felt a huge hit it was like a earthquake my feet
were glued to the ground as I had my hand to the side of my body
balancing my body so I don't fall over then I seen a big crack in the
ground coming towards me so I ran to my right and it was still coming for me
I  ran to my left it was still coming after me so I ran towards it and was
balancing over it and jumped to the side and i slipped and then got up
and ran and I was still following me so I jumped into another hole and
it stopped I got up and got out and ran it wasn't chasing me anymore.
So I kept running and I felt another crack and I came to a stop and planted
my feet to the ground and balanced my body with my arms to my left and
right on took a huge leap and hit my head and blacked out for about 3
minutes I woke up and started blinking to get my vision back I was in a
hole on the moon I pulled myself up looked around to see if I could see
any cracks  I didn't see any so i pulled myself up and got out of the hole
and started walking around to think about how I got here and I saw  a
rocket ship and  the door was wide open I climbed inside to see what
was in there and I saw a phone I turned it on but it didn't have  any
reception so I continued to look around 

5 comments:

  1. Well done Maddock.
    I like the way you have photo shopped the picture.You have used some great descriptive words and I like how you 'planted your feet' and 'balanced your body'.
    If you could travel to the moon would you do it and why?.

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    Replies
    1. Hello Maddock, This is a great piece of writing. I like the first starting you have usen which was I was Scattering around the moon.I also like you're picture that you have done. Next time you could put some more full stops in, and capitals letters. Did this take a long time to write? -Angel

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  2. wow this story is so great i like ur story because it said what you did an the theme of space is cool

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  3. hey there maddock this is great your in space with aliens you work good on this maddock i like your photo and your background.

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    Replies
    1. hey Tyrone thanks for commenting on my blog

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